It is probably one of those moments when my brain has successfully defeated my weakness/ passion to doze off at the first given opportunity, but then It was one of those days when I truly socialized. Strange it may sound, but for a closed book like me todays’ outing has definitely ruffled some of the unturned pages.
People, who meet me, leave with only two perceptions
1. Awful!!! He doesn’t belong in a human society. Have hell lot of attitude for nothing.
2. Hmm… Good communication skills, decent in his approach but has much more to him than what he displays.. Wonder why is he such a closed book??
Am glad that for the first time in my life people discovered a third side of me even which I didn’t know existed.
He can be fun and totally whacked out … Some of his poor jokes suck while others are funny but at least he is true at heart...
Me, Fun… You got to be kidding me... But then why is it so hard to believe for myself…
There had been times that I have amazed myself with my wit and my ability to bring a smile on gravest of faces. Even with all my flaws and addictions of fag and may be alcohol to some extent I have never dared to hurt others or wished that some misery may befall on the people I didn’t like or may be even hated…
If I am not that bad then what stops me from being in company of people … Why do I feel a pang of being insufficient to handle the crowd around me… Why it does always scare me and pushes me further back …
They say I am a closed book, have an air of mystery around me as far as my thoughts are considered… They say that either I am too cynical or too trusting...They say that I am the extreme but then I am not that bad… I guess…
People, who meet me, leave with only two perceptions
1. Awful!!! He doesn’t belong in a human society. Have hell lot of attitude for nothing.
2. Hmm… Good communication skills, decent in his approach but has much more to him than what he displays.. Wonder why is he such a closed book??
Am glad that for the first time in my life people discovered a third side of me even which I didn’t know existed.
He can be fun and totally whacked out … Some of his poor jokes suck while others are funny but at least he is true at heart...
Me, Fun… You got to be kidding me... But then why is it so hard to believe for myself…
There had been times that I have amazed myself with my wit and my ability to bring a smile on gravest of faces. Even with all my flaws and addictions of fag and may be alcohol to some extent I have never dared to hurt others or wished that some misery may befall on the people I didn’t like or may be even hated…
If I am not that bad then what stops me from being in company of people … Why do I feel a pang of being insufficient to handle the crowd around me… Why it does always scare me and pushes me further back …
They say I am a closed book, have an air of mystery around me as far as my thoughts are considered… They say that either I am too cynical or too trusting...They say that I am the extreme but then I am not that bad… I guess…
2 comments:
Of course u r not bad,dukie!!! jus try n believe in people when they genuinely praise u and dnt think too much abt it :) ..... jus let urself go and u might discover a new thing which u jus dreamed of .... and ya its ok if people luv you, u knw, its not such a bad thing!!! ;)
Used to happen with me too.
Whenever I'd try to break free from the webs I has build around myself, there would be a guilt pang. And no, it's not because we are that way only, subdued and "closed booked". We are actually apprehensive of how people who already know us might react seeing us in a different way and those whom we'll meet will receive us.
And I've outgrown all this blah blah shit now.
Ayan my boy, take my word. No one has enough time to think of the silly face you made, the poor PJ you cracked, the abuse you lent out or whatever you did 2 minutes after you've left. They have their OWN businesses to mind. And it's you who suffers within and feels small about yourself by not letting yourself be!
Just don't think of how others are reacting at you. Be sure of yourself. Say WHATEVER is on your mind.
If they don't accept you this way, it's THEIR problem, not yours.
And there's no dearth of people to befriend!
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